“She was so beautiful.”

“The accountant.”

“Love you aunty-Sheila.”

“You know your grandmother loved you boy.”

“Sheila took care of everybody.”

“She was going to find her way on tv one way or another.”

“Her flowers were given to her here, there is no need to sulk in her absence, we must cheer in her departure and hope she is commended in her arrival.”

“Through the roughest times Sheila stood strong.”

“Why now?”

“You with momma now sis.”

“I love you mee-maw.”

“I wish we could have been there that night.”

All of this is what I heard while sitting on the couch in my mothers house commemorating my grandmother's life. All of these people, some not even family, showed up to my grandma’s last party. My grandmother always said she did not want a funeral when she passed. We did our best to hold up that wish but my mom was very emotional through the process and needed to have a final viewing. That was held at the church but I was not strong enough mentally to attend. I wanted my last memory of my grandmother to be of her smiling and filled with life still. As I sat on the couch I began to see moments with my grandma, some from the distant past and some recent.

I dozed off starting to remember the crisp smell of vanilla when walking into my grandmother's house. I also remember the nights where we would sit on the porch talking for hours under the gleaming stars. The bugs would be chattering and the rest of the neighborhood would be silent. My grandmother was sick at the time but you would never be able to tell because her spirit never wavered. I would constantly have to help her up off the stairs that we used to sit and talk on. I knew she had diabetes and that she was getting older but I could never think of living a day without her during that time in my life. I saw her limp around almost every

day of my life but I still thought she was as strong and healthy as ever due to her character and

the way she carried herself. Thinking of all the times she held me and gave me the words I

needed in dire moments is something I will truly cherish. Coming to realization that I don’t have

that padding anymore is something that I will have to continue adjusting to.